it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
