So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
