im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
