I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think a kid would responsible me up
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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