One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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