Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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