are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
