Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you will always have a special place in my vag
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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