sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
high people should be assigned attendants
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
