I cockslap morals
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
