Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
