i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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