I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
