he thought i was a dude.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
