wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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