Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
