so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
