i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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