Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
