My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Your cock deserves a montage
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
