super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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