well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize