And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
