Who wears a wallet chain?!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
