Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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