He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
