I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she was so not down for the gang bang
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
