We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
