I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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