This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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