Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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