Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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