i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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