Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
