i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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