I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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