think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize