wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
