I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
