he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
