White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
