In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
