Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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