I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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