Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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