in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
