textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
