just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
