Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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