Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she woke up with a sticky ear
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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