You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
