i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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