I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Randomize
