I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
are you so shy because you have an std?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
