Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
