fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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