its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
