so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
