Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
