come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
