Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
When are your genitals available?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize