She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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