dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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