You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
