I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
