forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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