Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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