just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
