She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Who died my cat blue again?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
