Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
