my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
