Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
