we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize